Kelp Online

Thurston Kelp,
Eastham's Advisor to Earth.

OK, folks -now it can be told: ever notice how you never see Thurston Kelp and Chandler Travis in the same place? How, in fact, you never see Thurston Kelp at all, for that matter? Well, yes, Kelp was nothing but an alias the whole time, part of Chandler's web of lies and deceit... worked pretty good for a few years there, while Kelp wrote a regular column for the Cape Codder, where most of the following pieces were originally published (however reluctantly). These unedited versions are reprinted here with permission (not to mention forebodings of evil) from that publication; you will probably find them silly, obnoxious, out-of-date, and/or infrequently informative.


2008
8/12/08: Kami & the Pops
6/25/08: George Carlin, R.I.P (fat fucking chance, I'm sure ...)
4/25/08: Men vs. Women vs. Dishwashers
2/28/08: Busey Stands Tall At Oscar Time1/18/08: (Prelude to) the Kelp Kristmas Round-Up for '07!


2007
6/21/07: The Detroit Cobras Make Everything Clear5/25/07: Pretzels & Dick
3/25/07: Frozen Foot Baby Ping Pong2/15/07: Blair Kelp on Sportsdesk - Superbowl Deview


2006
12/29/06: Kelp's Last-Minute Shopping Tips12/1/06: Thanks For Robert Altman
10/26/06: The Case of the Missing Rotary 9/28/06: Sweden - Land of the Swedish
6/23/06: Boston Garage Band Weekend 6/2/06: Kelp Kombination Special
4/28/06: Special Mother's Day Kolumn 3/24/06: Nothing Happening
2/23/06: Kelp Goes Folky 1/23/06: Winter on Cape Cod


2005
12/29/05: '05 Year-End Wrap Up 12/06/05: I'm A Fool For Christmas (RadioBall #25) liner notes


2004
5/4/04: West Coast Report, part one:
Never Shake Hands on the Bandstand


December, 2003
12/19/03: End of Year Shopping Tips and Harangue

June, 2003
Editor's Note, 6/20/03: at this point, Kelp on Kape has been discontinued, but they still let the  old boy write the occasional feature
6/20/03: Feature - Mark Erellis

May, 2003
5/23/03: The Napkins' Mini-Tour of Terror
5/16/03: Jazz Fest, Part 2
5/2/03: Jazz Fest, Part One

April, 2003
4/18/03: The Stink of Spring
4/11/03: More on Woo/Cheap Gas Day
4/4/03: Happy Birthday to Woo

March, 2003
3/21/03: War is Dumb
3/14/03: Returning a Video, Part 2
3/7/03: Returning a Video, Part 1
3/1/03: Thoth! It's a Grammy!

February, 2003
2/21/03: Patty Larkin Wahoo!
 2/14/03: Cupid's Arrow Hits Gym
2/7/03: Girls Gone Wild

January, 2003
1/31/03: January Sucks, and You Do, Too
1/24/03: The Kelp Challenge
1/17/03: The Future
1/10/03: Chris Smither's Foot
1/10/03: Optimism?!?
1/3/03: Golddiggers of 2002

 
December, 2002
12/27/02: Yearbook
12/20/02: Khristmas at Kelp Manor
12/13/02: Flitting
12/6/02: Louder Than Lightning

November, 2002
11/29/02: Knee Driving
11/22/02: All the News in Fits We Print
11/15/02: Jennifer Kimball
11/15/02: Experiments with Food & Napkins
11/8/02: Further Remembrances
 11/1/02: Bill Staines Profile, Probably

October, 2002
10/25/02: Saluting the Service Industry
10/17/02: Nothingness
10/11/02: East Side Story
10/5/02: Dear Thurston

September, 2002
9/27/02: James Taylor Rectal Exam
9/19/02: Lori McKenna
9/6/02: Emersonmania

August, 2002
8/30/02: End O' Summer
8/23/02: Kelp Objects
8/13/02: Jocko on Kape
 8/10/02: Old People Are Pathetic
8/1/02: Beat the Klock

July, 2002
7/26/02: Latest Taliban Plot
7/20/02: Yardwork
7/19/02: Tom Tom Club
7/12/02: Kelp Goes A Huntin'

June, 2002
6/28/02: Unretirement
6/21/02: Spurned
6/15/02: Cornsy's New Job
 6/8/02: Alloy Orchestra
6/1/02: Resignation

May, 2002
5/24/02: Chowder of the Gods
5/17/02: Liam's Big Adventure
5/10/02: I Love Tractors
5/3/02: Everything Stinks

April, 2002
4/26/02: Hairy Situation
4/19/02: Captain Nemo
4/10/02: Geno

 
Earlier Kelp's
March, 2002: English Failure
2/13/98: Tonya and Nancy Together Again
1/30/98: Cape Cod After Dark
 1/2/98: Winter Video Tips
12/19/97: Year End Wrapup Local
12/19/97: Year End Wrapup
12/12/97: Holiday Hints
12/5/97: Thanksgiving in Zaireeka
11/28/97: The Mrs. Returns
7/11/97: Kolumn Go Bye-Bye

In instances where a reader feels some sort of revenge need be taken, he can be reached here at
kelp@sonictrout.com.
You're welcome.