Thurston Kelp,
Eastham's Advisor to Earth.

OK, folks -now it can be told: ever notice how you never see Thurston Kelp and Chandler Travis in the same place? How, in fact, you never see Thurston Kelp at all, for that matter? Well, yes, Kelp was nothing but an alias the whole time, part of Chandler's web of lies and deceit... worked pretty good for a few years there, while Kelp wrote a regular column for the Cape Codder, where most of the following pieces were originally published (however reluctantly). These unedited versions are reprinted here with permission (not to mention forebodings of evil) from that publication; you will probably find them silly, obnoxious, out-of-date, and/or infrequently informative.

In instances where a reader feels some sort of revenge need be taken, he can be reached here at
kelp@sonictrout.com.
You're welcome.